Parts of Book

Page 1.....Like a bolt out of the blue, fate comes down and changes you.  Or as some people say, "______ Happens." I was known as the fastest thing on two feet, slip it into Mary's day she'll get it done and won't even know it.  I was always busy, could outwork, out walk and out talk the best.  At fifty-eight I was still considered sexy and attractive.  I loved my life, being depended on, counted on and known for helping when needed. "Can't" was not a word anyone heard from me.  I didn't think in terms of  "Can't".


Page 29...My guard would look up briefly and yell, "Mrs.Morgan stay over here you have to go to therapy," I could have belly crawled fifteen feet in an hour and had more exercise and enjoyed the challenge.  "Mrs. Morgan get away from the elevator, you can't get on the elevator, Mrs. Morgan, Mrs. Morgan,"...on and on and on.  I was enjoying this.  It was my turn to mess with her.  She put her book down, walked over in a very irritated manner and remarked, "Oh, I see now you have on shoes and can touch the floor."  She turned and glanced back, "they sure look small, what size are they?" "Size six but they're going to feel like a twelve when I yank'em out of your butt."  Again a check beside "difficult."


Page 27...I'm picked up for what I thought was a routine visit to the psychiatrist.  As soon as I'm seated he ask, "Do you know why you're here?"  "I guess it's routine to discuss how to deal with my situation and accept the awfullness of what my life will be like".  I was into this, believing I would gain some insight on sorting out my new life and how to emotionally handle my plight.  NOT. He said what I thought to be the most idiotic words I had heard there and believe me I had heard a lot.  "You're here because the staff has reported that you appear depressed and difficult".  That stupid statement from a supposed trained psychiatrist really rattled my chain.  "I am depressed and I want to savior my depression, it seems to be the only normal feeling I have left, don't mess with it".  "I went to the hospital feeling tired and sleepy, woke up to find half my body had turned to gelatin and you want to know why I'm depressed".  "If I wasn't, I'd really be worried about myself".


Page 55...The bad part for me was going to the grocery store with Joe.  I had great difficulty driving the scooter and thinking at the same time.  I decided to drive down each isle and concentrate on foods I knew we liked.  I only picked sale items based on need.  When I checked out Joe was furious, "I told you we only had sixty dollars, the bill is seventy four dollars, "why can't you listen?" He doesn't have a clue that I can't keep up.


Page 61...I was in a bad mental place, I couldn't stop crying, bursting out in tears, shaking and sobbing out loud with no control.  This is beyond depression, I can't control the outburst. I thought I needed alone time to get to the bottom of the crying.  I sat there crying and choking on tears, finally I started talking loudly, "WHAT...WHAT... whatever "Spirit", "Self", "Brain", "Thought Controller", whatever is behind these feelings tell me what this is about, these tears are getting on my nerves."  I wasn't hearing voices, it was profoundly different, in manner and sound from any I had heard before and I do admit this scared me, but "Self" said, "be quiet and listen".  Had I tapped into something or somewhere I shouldn't be?  Did "Brain" reach the unknown somehow?  The voice said "You miss Mary with all her playfulness and fun.  You are mourning her loss.  She is gone".  "Brain" will always have her memories stored for your use, you will at times think she is there also, but she is gone.


Page 118...On these next few pages you will find poems that I have written.  They say when one thing stops working other things start.  Who would have thought it would all flood in at once.  Kinda like one door closes and others open.  I've always thought about writing but never thought about exposing myself for all to see.